sometimes we are gross...

last night after a nice 2 hour workout, we were starving. we decided to go to mcdonalds for a snack (naturally, work out and then go get fast food?!). i rarely ever go there, let alone really ever get fast food. but like i said, it was just a snack.

have you ever tried these? they are so good. cheaper than jamba and healthier. in fact, on the way home from our very first date, we stopped at a drive through and ordered these.

besides, after an hour of cardio, a cold smoothie sure does hit the spot (and luckily, they are small enough that there isn't enough lactose to hurt my tummy. fab.).

while jared was outside picking a redbox movie, i went in to order our smoothies and that was all we were going to get. but then i saw a sign for these:

McDonalds finally has a small chicken nugget type option on the value menu! the regular is $2 and we shared one. they were surprisingly good as well.

so if you are in a gross mood and want fast food or find yourself forced into a drive through situation, i recommend you give these a try. 

i have small dreams.

at first i thought that i had a rather boring weekend. but looking back, i realize that it was actually a pretty good one. friday night i had a couple social obligations... well i came home from work at 5 and fell asleep until 9. oops. but it did feel really good to catch up on sleep. i cannot remember the last time that i wasn't just a little bit tired. jared was understanding and let me have my nap and then we went to the gym. i have never been one to work out with other people.  but it was actually pretty enjoyable.  saturday morning we met up and went to yoga, then made a healthy breakfast and took care of our errands, homework, cleaning, etc. later that night, i accompanied the boys to the car show. 

i loved seeing the old cars. and they were pristine. but i have to admit, the new cars were pretty darn nice. some were pretty interesting... and some (the bottom right) cost more than the average american home. why not, right? motivation for higher education. but the truth was...out of all those cars ranging from the ford focus to the maserati, my dream car was still,

that sweedish beauty. safe and pretty. powerful and understated. i loved it.

[segue here]

once upon a time i used to work out a lot. and i mean a lot. at least 2 hours a day and sometimes twice or three times or day. or i would just wear gym clothes constantly and run or use weights around my house, pilates bands, yoga balls, you name it. i loved it. but it was a little ridiculous. i wasn't trying to attain anything. i wasn't training for anything. yet i would blow off socializing to go the gym. i would end dates early so i could get to the gym. i would show up to dinner in gym clothes (...ok i still do that) i would watch the basketball games the gym instead of on the big screen with my friends. once...i even watched general conference on a treadmill.

but then i just kinda stopped. i don't know why. but out of nowhere, i just completely dropped it. i continued to run and do yoga of  course but i became totally complacent about all of it, yet complained about my body.

sooo... i have started going back to the gym, running regularly, practicing yoga daily and eating healthier. and i have felt so much better. i sleep so hard. i wake up well rested and happier. i can feel my muscles getting stronger and my plushies less plushy.  plus it has been good bonding time for me and the guy.  

but there is one problem.

i am trying to eat healthier and he continues to eat like a 17 year old boy. and let's just say there are 2 pies there for a reason... i tend to give in.  i am all about snacks and treats. i don't believe in depriving myself of things. just moderation and balancing out calories with exercise.  vale sent this picture to me the other day

that is me in a 18 oz water bottle right there.

but anyway, jared is trying to eat healthier, i am trying to buy and cook better. in the meantime, when we aren't flirtatiously bickering over our treat binges or attempting to work those off at the gym,  lookie what came in the mail:

keeping it old school and simple.

i have a strong love/hate relationship with pavement. and every aspect of running.

love: the skinny ankles

hate: the sore shins

love: my strong legs

hate: that they will never be slender

love: perfectly timed music

hate: when i get too used to my music

love: sweating.

hate: taking 2 showers a day.

love: beckie time.

hate: that i don't have enough time.

love: the health benefits.

hate: the messed up knees. 

but there are more loves than hates. i love the feeling of my braid bouncing off my back. i love when i feel like i could go forever. but i also love feeling like i am about to die because then i know that i am doing something right. 

but i should be truthful: i am not a good runner. i don't have perfect form. i am not fast- just too impatient to jog. i am awful at pacing myself. i have almost been hit by a car at least a dozen times. 90% of the time i run at night. in remote areas. now i realize that this is not the wisest habit...but i love going and going and then knowing that i HAVE to get back. so i try new routes, sometimes i get lost. but i always know that it is my body that will get me back home, no matter how long it takes. 

i am not a marathon runner. i don't have a great body. sometimes i even get winded walking up too many stairs. but i love that i have a strong body and opportunities to use it.

one song that i LOVE to run to:

this song. over and over. not my kind of music. but it gives me that surreal high feeling. i recommend it.

rain.

this is how i felt today. i have been wanting to check out some of the rock climbing in rock canyon. so today, for my day off, i went running up there... well it turned into a torrential downpour like fire and brimstone. i could hardly see anything at some points. i will be honest, it felt kinda hardcore to be racing up a mountain with the rain lashing at my entire body. so refreshing. but running on wet rocks and bouldering off trail to find good climbing spots- not the wisest thing that i have ever done (especially all by myself) and i have a scrape the size of texas to prove that. but it was all for the cause. 

why does summer have to be almost over?!

we came, we did.

or we saw, we conquered. however that phrase goes.

this morning my friend and i hiked up to silver lake. it was an absolutely perfect day for the occasion.  we knew where the trail head was, but since there are several lakes and trails, we thought that we would explore a little and see how far we could get. 

poor ruby got herself very intricately wedged between several aspens and dry dirt...bad combo (sorry papa randy).

well...

we made some friends (literally...they asked us to come jeeping with them sometime. digits exchanged and everything.).   i was so pleasantly surprised at the readiness of strangers to come help us. mind you, this was no short task. we had gotten ourselves pretty far up there and caught in the tightest possible spot on that road. whoops. but 5 men, 1 beckie, 2 jeeps, 1 truck, 1 tow rope,1 wench and 1 hour later... we were ready for our hike.

holy gorgeous. it was a decently difficult hike (only priming us for timpanogas next month) and well worth it in the end.

when we arrived at the top, we were greeted by this lovely lake scene. and of course there is only thing to do when you reach the peak of a hike- jump in. but please note all the snow that surrounded that lovely body of water. let's just say that once i got under water and started to swim to shore- i didn't almost drown because i cannot swim- but because i could not feel anything from the extremely cold temperatures of the water. dan jumped in a bit a after me and when he came out he exclaimed "i feel so alive! well... that was either death or alive- i am not sure which!" and right he was. it was refreshing, but frigid.

we hiked around the lake a bit and i cannot wait to get the pictures that he took with his super cool camera. it was breathtaking being up there. i could see for miles and it was all landscape brushed by the hands of god and untouched by "human intrusion" (para daniel). 

how does beckie survive a hike? nothing like sweedish fish to get those glucose levels up. we pretty much ran down the rest of the way and it felt great (my knees have only been throbbing the last 4 hours, nbd).

pictures just do not serve the view justice. we found a pretty cool rock ledge to climb out onto (only slightly, totally stupid and scary since our legs were jell-o) and just sat out there in our soaking wetness and overlooked all of this. it is moments like these that i just cannot understand how people don't believe in a god. our bodies were capable of getting there and to see that view: simply stunning.

we got home around 7 pm and as we were grabbing things out of the jeep some girls were also just getting home and so we chatted for a moment. i looked at them- in their adorable little dresses, hats and shoes and they told me that they had just returned home from a tea party. there was a stark contrast between their ladylike attire and my own...i looked down at my tie-dyed t-shirt, muddy legs, and shoes (not to mention the hair, no make up, need i really go on??) and just sort of laughed to myself. what is worse is that only a part of me was horribly embarrassed for my messy, boyish, disheveled look- but the larger part of me didn't care at all. i was explaining this to my friend's husband tonight and just laughing about it and said,

"and that is why those girls will get married someday, unlike myself." 

and his perfect reply, 

"no. that just means that you and your husband will be kick ass together!" 

so my resolution to become more feminine--> short lived. i may love cute clothes, but muddy hikes and lakes will always win out in my book.

it is for real.

i am beginning to feel like summer is actually here. it is about time. 

validating reasons for this onset of acknowledgement of the summer solstice are:

1. running. it has been fantastic to walk outside at 9 PM, dusk is barely setting in and the temperature is perfect. no more frozen lungs and burning throats. and it is a lot easier for me to convince myself to get off my butt and grab the miles. in fact-- it is one of the best parts of my day.

2. work is hard. the summer sales season is going full throttle and it is embarrassing how well i know the security industry. but i am grateful for my job, that it does come fairly easy to me, and that i am given responsibilities that keep me busy and challenged everyday. 

3. there is just so much to do when it is beautiful outside! hiking, running, picnic'ing, reading, bike rides, swimming, tennis, fishing, bonfires, gardening, and our flag football team starts next week. gary was back for part of the week and we made the most of the visit. check out the giant snow cave we hiked down into!

there was a giant glacier of snow that had not melted yet, at the foot of the falls. it was at least 20 ft. deep.  the falls created a giant tunnel that ran all the way down the side of the mountain. it was quite the adventure and really one of the coolest places that i have gone exploring.

4. books. with no school right now, i have plenty of time to read just what i want to read and i have been plowing through them. i did finish the count of monte cristo and i loved it. it is definitely on my top 15 now.   summertime or not, there is just never enough time to read all the literary wonders of the world. but i do my best.

5. baseball. basketball is over. and i am always sad about that. especially this year, because i had such a heart wrenching season with jazz. but this does mean that baseball is in full swing and lovely as ever. win or lose, i will be faithful to the cardinals. and wimbledon starts on monday AND i have a new tennis buddy, yesss.

6. tan lines. i am really good at slathering on my spf, but the lines still happen.

it was so great to have him back even for just a few days. 

the other night we also went and saw

this movie has received shockingly high ratings and it was very well done. it was the story of the martin willie handcart company. there were definitely some emotional parts. when we were walking out of the film, andrew just said "well...that was not funny at all. but it sure does make a man think". his statement made me laugh, but it was true. i dedicate so much of my spiritual study to deeper doctrine and biblical topics and sometimes i forget how many wonderful lessons there are to be learned from the generations just before my own. 

7. city days. this week is strawberry days! next week is the manti temple pageant, then i will be in nyc/dc and then back in time for the david gray concert, pioneer day, another half marathon, and a bagillion other fun, local activities.

ah summer, i welcome you with bronzed, open arms!

ouchy.

this is the most that i have ever run in my life. i find myself addicted to this kind of pain. whoopsies.

luckily sunday is a day of rest.

i cannot seem to descend a flight of stairs without awkward limping and painful moans, but i am sure happy.

and joely is here. i thought that this whole "just showing up at my door and surprising me" thing would get old. 

false. it doesn't. i even managed a gleeful jump upon his arrival. considering my current physical state, that says a lot. mama- joely says hi. he loves nancy.

boy nights...and beckie.

this is just one reason why it is more fun for me to play with boys than girls.

last weekend, i accompanied a group of men to the go expo and it was spectacular. nail polish and high heels have their place. but an entire expo center dedicated to local, outdoor activities? yes, please. did you know that if you are surrounded by active people- you are 70% more likely to be active yourself??  true fact. here in provo, you can find people of all ages and sizes out and about any moment of the day.  whether they are out running (lot's of running. i chalk it up to all of the sexual suppression..but no std's and strong cardiovascular systems? why not.), cycling, playing, etc. and it is inspiring.

they even let us borrow some shoes and try out bouldering walls. and check out this bad boy:

holy rocks. it is a revolving rock climbing wall with adjustable incline! woah. amazing. i want one. of course, nothing beats the real thing on real rock in the real outdoors...but this sure would be fun to have around. it was fun walking around and trying the different exercise machines, learning about holistic medicines, and almost being talked into buying a surf board (that one was not so local...).

special treat:

curious to know what happens in an apartment full of men late at night?

well it started out with some bieber...and turned to this:

boys will be boys.

his ankles may be smaller than my thumbs, but kenny has surprising strength...

that is beautiful form. look at derek hovering like a little angel.

and there really is nothing out of the ordinary happening here. these sort of moments are a regular occurrence.

however, as the night wears on and judgement becomes a little bit more hazy, the real fun begins.

papa derek wants to give it a go.. with all of us.
little one, kenny, and some beckie thrown on there.

the mount was more difficult than you think.

and crash landings happen. and though you think that you will do better every time because you have figured out the kinks in the system- you are wrong. the crashes tend to get progressively worse. but i still recommend giving it a try.

believe it or not, i did not die. well, almost...of laughter. i feel like i burn more calories, laughing with these guys, than i do in a full workout.

sunday was a lovely day (church starts at 8:30 AM now...we have a lot of day left afterwards) of laying around in the sunshiny park, reading books (born to run was SO good), getting back tickles and enjoying god's beautiful earth. provo summer is just beginning and so far, so good. 

joely, please come back.

life without school...for now.

i managed to stop turning the pages of my book for a little bit (but of course i am that nerd that brings it with me everywhere i go, i just never know when i will get bored.) and enjoy the past couple days of my "vacation". and by vacation i simply mean that i am not in classes for this spring term. the summer season has begun and work is piling up. but all is well.

yesterday was kyle's birthday. we took the typical provo route and went to dinner (oh, and to all you vegetarians out there...do not go to a steakhouse and ask what their vegetarian options are. because even if you do so as nicely as possible, they will not like you and your options are lettuce or empty carbs. nice.).

it was a grand time of wardie bonding and birthday boy love. i just love kyle hemming. and his mama. he is the best neighbor and such a wonderful friend. he can make make me laugh myself into a stitch and de-stress my life with a late night parlay and earth fruits run. and mama hemming sends us treats. does not get much better.

it then turned into a sport filled evening, beginning with a game of some hardcore hoops,

and then the first intramural kickball game for the kicking kittens (i thought that ball busters would be a better team name...but byu did not agree). 

byu intramurals are amongst some of the most ferocious competition (i am serious... something about that championship t shirt...god is not on those fields, byu or not) that i have ever participated in. even though this is an elementary game, i am prepared for things to get brutal. not that i am competitive or anything.

today was in the seventies and perfect. just perfect. birdies singing, flowers blooming, not a cloud in the sky.

what's a girl to do with a free afternoon and a day like this??  load on the spf, grab a a buddy and  take off for the mountains.

ang and i have resolved to do this every week. she is one of my best and only girlfriends, and though stolen away to matrimony, she makes a pretty valiant effort at spending time with me. but Z is great, so he could come too and we would have just as much fun.

i will admit...i was a little nervous about this hike. ang texted me and said "let's leave at 3. and bring your headlamp." ummm...it doesn't get dark until after 8pm now... but ok. safety first. suffice it to say that we have had some really interesting hiking adventures that involve off roading, free climbing, ending up in different cities...but it is all part of the adventure.

upon returning home i realized that i was quite starving and i really really really really really wanted some avocados. i figured that i would take advantage of the nice weather and just walk to the grocery store...well i pushed my luck. they were fresh out of the green goodness i was craving. i was stuck with carrots. good thing i love carrots, huh?

i got punked.

once upon a time i went to the gym. when i arrived, i fell right into my routine. shot the breeze with the guys at the desk, nodded to a few of the regulars (they usually just wink back because their necks are too big for them to nod) and then straight into the cardio cinema i went. i have used the same treadmill 4-6 days a week for the past 3 years (can you tell that i am a routine person- though i am far from a talented runner).  i hopped on and went to work. i started to jog and my playlist took off. i know that when i hear coheed and cambria that it is go time or i won't make it more than a mile. i looked at the girl next to me and she was just starting to run as well.  will smith, being the total bamf that he is, once said (to be accurate i should note that i did not know this quote until i told someone else about this story),

"i am not afraid to die on a treadmill...if we get on a treadmill together, you are going to get off first or i am going to die." 

extreme? maybe a little. but he's will smith. and competition is competition. who cares if you know the person or if there is anything at stake but your pride. and who am i kidding...pride is the most valuable prize of all.

but, i digress.

so. this chick gets on the treadmill next to me. when i glanced over at her, it was clear that she was at least 3 times my size and by that, i really mean that she was biggest loser material (i know that sounds mean, i only said it for visual purposes and just you wait). stupid beckie thinks, "ha. whatever this girl can run, i can run." 

i maintained my current pace (which was faster than hers but figured it wouldn't matter) and i was absolutely determined to run as long as her. how hard could it be?

FIFTY TWO. FIVE ZERO TWO. 5x10+2 minutes later- she stopped to walk. she sipped some water, walked for 5 minutes and was glowing.

are you freaking kidding me???

i stumbled off (more like slid off with all the sweat that was raining off of my body) my treadmill, looked at her and just stared. she looked at me and i just high fived her and walked away (and by walk i mean i gumby style limped).

moral of the lesson: size doesn't matter. and the pride police are always ready to put me in my place.

the next morning i ate 4 doughnuts and i felt like a champ.
and that, my dear friends, is what we call a beckie's blunder.

it is a special time...

Everyone who knows me, also knows that I am somewhat of an obsessive exerciser.  This is for a few reasons.

1. It makes me so happy.

2. I am good at it (I enjoy things I am good at...such a small list).

3. My clothes fit better (obviously).

4. In case I end up on a deserted island and The Others chase me (it's real, ok?)

5. So I can eat as much as I want (and 98% of the time, I want to eat a lot).

6. I like to wear gym clothes (stretchy pants, t shirts and shorts? hell. yes.). 

7. It is my Me Time.

Due to this list of clearly very important and logical reasons, I usually work out 6 days a week. That includes weight training, cardio, yoga, circuits, etc. I just love exercise. People hate sitting at home watching tv with me because I will exercise the whole time, I cannot just sit still. And it just makes sense, it is good for you! It is great for you! I mean, really, you could wear those ugly Shape Up shoes to get a toned butt or you could just hit the pavement and enjoy the outdoors or a stair climber or anything and get the same results while benefiting your entire being.

Ugly Shoes 

or

It is a pretty obvious choice to me which is more attractive.

But the problem is that right now I am suffering from allowing myself to be in what I so begrudgingly call "My Plushy Months".  This repulsive period of time is about end of November until mid February. It happens every year. It is awful. I am not depressed, I am absolutely dispirited from being cold, wet, cold, gloomy, icky, and cold.

Additionally, there are vacations, holidays and a bagillion other reasons to not workout during those months. Not to mention it is just so gross outside. Plus with full time work and school, time really gets away from me. I know that I can make the time (I do 9 other months out of the year) but during these months I find myself opting for more sleepy sleep time instead. 

I just want to go back to this:

I am stuck in a fatty, gelatinous, lazy and icky mode and I must get myself out of it. But I really just wanna hide in my warm, comfy bed (oh and I have definitely not given up my treats...). Is that so bad?? Yes. Yes it is. Because I was so fed up with my pathetic self that I did workout these past three days. And I felt like I was carrying a 30lb weight on my butt and my arms were made of spaghetti noodles (yes, by that point I was depressed). 

Boo. Since when did metabolisms start slowing down so early in life? Since when did winter have to last ten million days?  Since when did I let anything stop me from working out?? I need help.

bit messy.

the dirty girl run.

um when else do you get the opportunity to:

1. run through the mud in a cocktail dress (that part is optional, but why not).

2. while supporting cancer research (save the ovaries!).

3. and earning a t shirt (best part of so many life events).

4. and when you have months to get ready (it is only 4 miles)

5. all at once?!

DO IT.  it is times like these i wish that i had more female friends... come girls, it will be super duper fun.  please let me know if you wanna register for it!

i've never been a hater...

i need to find a bike. the perfect bike. now. and that does not cost more than my car. 

help.

Fan Mail.

Dear Beckie,

Thank you for believing in us enough to think that 3 miles or more a day is a good idea. But FYI: just because we stop hurting after the first two miles does not mean we are ok. It is a dirty little game that we like to play on you because we can only carry your butt so far for so much longer. 

For better or for worse,

Your Shins.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dearest Beckie,
Please disregard your shins. Big butts are in.
There is no need to put us in the back of your cabinet. We miss you.

Love,
Oreos.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beckie,
Remember that quality time we spent running around in the store together?
Keep up the miles and eat all the oreos you want, just invest in us!

Waiting to be yours,
Mizuno.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i have cabin fever!

The Spring Equinox begins on Saturday, March 20th. I am so excited.

No really. I love spring.

For so many reasons (here comes a list, I am sure that ya'll are SO surprised...):

1. Warmth- I can walk everywhere and play in the canyon all day!

(playing in the sunshine with puppy last year)

2. Rain- I love to run in the rain when it is warm out. Smells amazing and feels so good!

(a spring storm in Ephraim Canyon, amazing.)

3. Flowers - pro and con- since moving to UT I have grown allergies (I don't really know if you grow them, but you know what i mean)

(I wish that UT had Flower Markets)

4.White shoes are allowed- officially.

(bust our your Sperry's!)

5. General Conference! (a bi annual blessing that I get so excited for... and thanks to out-of-state parents, I always get tickets to go)

6. Basketball. (Madness, Playoffs, Finals... abc, tnt and espn- thank you)

7. Spring Training of course (go Cardinals!)

(i wish i could go watch.)

8. Road Trip season (AZ here we come- next week!)

9. Green is my favorite color and suddenly everything is green again!  (at this particular season I do miss MO very much because everything is so lush and beautiful there) and I really miss this place:

10. Sally the Civic just runs better in the sunshine and warm weather- it makes her happy.

11. I run better....the sunshine and warm weather make me happy!

ohhhh and another great reason!

Time for plenty of this!!!!!

I have better form than this-and I am not that fat... i promise. "Low to high, elbow in, kiss your bicep" - Z.

Such a beautiful day. Look at Ang, serving like a pro.

They will have really really fast, Wimbledon children.