my birthday is in less than a month. i wish for a puppy.

**brief summary: i am no longer employed. it felt great to work, earn money, interact with people and be busy, but in the end it was NOT worth the pay, the time, the demands of the position, etc (lots of other cons, but like i said, brief summary...)

 since leaving that job, our home has returned to its lovely state of cleanliness and yummy smells. there is fresh produce in the refrigerator, dinner is being cooked and we have clean clothes.  in the month that i was working, things took a bit of a tumble around here.  jared has been fairly vocal about how much better life has been since i quit (aka- less tired, less grumpy, less high strung beckie).  

and it's not like we need the extra money. 

we only live in one of the countries most expensive zip codes, with a 9.5% sales tax, $5 a gallon gas, two older cars, and a billion other bills we kinda didn't realize we'd have...and...i like nice things... but who needs money. ok. we do. so yes, i am eagerly seeking a better fit for my employment and excited to help contribute more.

no job means i am back to an aimless and boring existence.  and worse- jared is out of town for an entire week on his annual "gentleman's pheasant hunt".  in his absence, i have reconnected with my former love/hate relationship with jillian.

i love this yoga dvd.  i have loved yoga for years and my dedication to the lifestyle has been spotty but i love how quickly my body gets back in the mode. this video is traditional yoga/pilates with cardio.  so yes, it is definitely a more westernized version of the practice, but it gets the job done and my spine is already feeling fluid again.

it is also a good idea that i incorporate a bit more exercise into my daily routine.  because i think that i am getting fat. this past weekend was one of the best since we have lived here and we ate a lot.  two of jared's old roommates and best friends, zac and shane, came to LA for a few days and it was everything we hoped it would be.  when i was dating jared, i was also somewhat dating his whole apartment. when those boys get together there is more joy amongst them than a pack of unicorns.  jared had been working SO hard to get everything in order at work, church and home before leaving on his hunting trip.  having the boys stay with us was another reward for his diligence.  friends in town is also a good time for us to explore more things in the city.  but we do have our favorites...where we take EVERYONE.  

(sorry, most of you are on my fbook or instagram too, so these pictures are repeats...)

there was 800 degrees pizza, diddy riese, hollywood, the temple, rodeo drive, celeb houses, croquet, the beach, and late nights of sharing giggles and feelings.

(i thought that was a cute outfit, until i saw this picture and realized i look like a 7 year old. and zac stole jared's glasses...his eyes aren't naturally more squinty than mine.  shane and zac matched on purpose.)

and when we go to the pier, we must get our bacon cheese dogs. grilled, buttery bun, fake cheddar cheese, a giant hotdog wrapped in bacon. AMAZING. how did i ever do that vegetarian life?  thanks to spud and katie for actually being the ones to introduce us to the glorious caloric monstrosity. 

we also had a little history lesson when we went and saw Argo.

ben affleck has yet to let me down as a movie director.  it was outstanding and from what i read, pretty accurate.  we had seen Looper a couple of weeks ago and i assumed that it would be my favorite film until the holidays (when les mis and great gatsby premiere!) but Argo is now on my list. i happen to love alan arkin and john goodman, especially together.  that duo combined with gritty historical controversy, a strong sense of patriotism and mr. affleck make for a completely enjoyable and justifiable reason to sit for 2 hours.

one of our last adventures was going to lunch at a russian restaurant in hollywood.  it was AUTHENTIC russian food.  luckily, jared was able to speak with impressive fluency. one reason that i liked him when we first met was that he wasn't one of those guys who was constantly referring to his mission.  he was so humble about the whole experience. he loved his mission, he served faithfully, and would love to go back, but he has never felt the need to broadcast it.  the food at this restaurant was amazing, jared was able to enjoy his some of his favorites, speak russian with ease, and teach all of us more about the culture and share some his experiences.

but all good things must come to an end.  within 36 hours, all three boys were gone.  and now i am home, watching way too many episodes of vampire diaries and laughing/crying my eyes out to this book:

which reminds me that i really need a dog. these "mr. husband outta town" days wouldn't be so bad if i had a puppy to run around and cuddle with. 

i have small dreams.

at first i thought that i had a rather boring weekend. but looking back, i realize that it was actually a pretty good one. friday night i had a couple social obligations... well i came home from work at 5 and fell asleep until 9. oops. but it did feel really good to catch up on sleep. i cannot remember the last time that i wasn't just a little bit tired. jared was understanding and let me have my nap and then we went to the gym. i have never been one to work out with other people.  but it was actually pretty enjoyable.  saturday morning we met up and went to yoga, then made a healthy breakfast and took care of our errands, homework, cleaning, etc. later that night, i accompanied the boys to the car show. 

i loved seeing the old cars. and they were pristine. but i have to admit, the new cars were pretty darn nice. some were pretty interesting... and some (the bottom right) cost more than the average american home. why not, right? motivation for higher education. but the truth was...out of all those cars ranging from the ford focus to the maserati, my dream car was still,

that sweedish beauty. safe and pretty. powerful and understated. i loved it.

[segue here]

once upon a time i used to work out a lot. and i mean a lot. at least 2 hours a day and sometimes twice or three times or day. or i would just wear gym clothes constantly and run or use weights around my house, pilates bands, yoga balls, you name it. i loved it. but it was a little ridiculous. i wasn't trying to attain anything. i wasn't training for anything. yet i would blow off socializing to go the gym. i would end dates early so i could get to the gym. i would show up to dinner in gym clothes (...ok i still do that) i would watch the basketball games the gym instead of on the big screen with my friends. once...i even watched general conference on a treadmill.

but then i just kinda stopped. i don't know why. but out of nowhere, i just completely dropped it. i continued to run and do yoga of  course but i became totally complacent about all of it, yet complained about my body.

sooo... i have started going back to the gym, running regularly, practicing yoga daily and eating healthier. and i have felt so much better. i sleep so hard. i wake up well rested and happier. i can feel my muscles getting stronger and my plushies less plushy.  plus it has been good bonding time for me and the guy.  

but there is one problem.

i am trying to eat healthier and he continues to eat like a 17 year old boy. and let's just say there are 2 pies there for a reason... i tend to give in.  i am all about snacks and treats. i don't believe in depriving myself of things. just moderation and balancing out calories with exercise.  vale sent this picture to me the other day

that is me in a 18 oz water bottle right there.

but anyway, jared is trying to eat healthier, i am trying to buy and cook better. in the meantime, when we aren't flirtatiously bickering over our treat binges or attempting to work those off at the gym,  lookie what came in the mail:

keeping it old school and simple.

holy fake cow.

Thanks to Caroline's prompting, I tried some Morning Star stuff this week.

morning star garden veggie patties.

I melted some Italian blend shredded cheese on top with a ton of pepper and just ate it that way and oh my goodness, it was fabulous.  Apparently I like veggie and bean burgers much better than soy!

(and they had tons of coupons for Morning Star at Smith's. win.)

But I am finding myself in the preliminary veggie burgers or pasta rut. I need some ideas... I feel like everything that I make is some sort of pasta (well I guess I have always done that...) or something with a pattie.  Any ideas????

Tonight I have yoga, I scarfed that veggie pattie down for lunch and earlier I'd eaten oatmeal and fruit for breakfast after showering with this:

noah's naturals rejuvenating body wash.

I love Noah's Naturals.  Everything is eco friendly and makes my skin super smooth and it smells AMAZING (and when i am lucky, they have it at TJMaxx for about 75% off the retail price).

Gosh, I just feel so healthy today!

om.

today while searching around on etsy (because they have the coolest jewelry), i found this...and i am in love with it.

om is an iconic symbol in hinduism.  i find many of their practices fascinating and worth educating myself on. i admire their devotion to inner peace and wellness.  om is the sound made when meditating, it is a mantra in itself meaning absolute. chanting om during mediation will bring you to an genuine calm. an inner peace and allow everything around you to dissipate back into the world that you no longer a part of, even if for just a brief moment.

i have always been so high strung, with so many thoughts racing through my head at a time and so sometimes it is healthy for me (and those that must deal with me) to just take the time to meditate. in the church we are taught that silence and pondering on the things of the spirit are necessary to have a balanced life, and i do agree. but sometimes i find that when i do that, my mind keeps going and going and at one point i usually start to feel inundated with guilt for all of my shortcomings and then the my mantra is worthless and i leave more frustrated and boiling over in defeat. 

basically...this is my theory:

regardless of spiritual background, no matter who your deity or higher power may be- there is an indigenous harmony that must be met inside of you. yes, there are everyday practices and religious foundations that help to create this.  but there is something deep inside of you- whether or not you believe in a god at all- that when tapped into and when catered to- will allow you to feel an overwhelming sense of oneness.it is just such a pure experience. it is natural and it is all you and your body and your spirit, no other influences. you are in a metaphysical but lucid state and there is a an incredible peace and power born from that.

full meditation is difficult to achieve (i have never reached it) as there are so many distractions around. i find that it (just in my routine thus far) works best surrounded in nature and where do you not have to worry about someone interrupting you.  i enjoy learning about how to practice meditation so that i may get the most out of yoga, my mind, my body and in turn- get the most out of life.