"and you wrote threeve. a combination of 3 and 5. simply stunning."

it has been over 3 weeks since my last post. which means 3 weeks closer to our wedding. which means that we are getting married in 3 weeks. which means that i am 3 steps away from emotional aneurysm. in 3 days, i will be ending my last day of work at the best job i have ever had.  luckily, i generally like the number 3. prime numbers are my favorite.

to say that things have been busy would be an understatement. the past 3 weeks have been fervidly burning with an insane amount of activities, emotions, developments and progression.  this guy graduated. 

he is cute and smart. his kind are so far and few between. good thing i said yes. i am so proud of him. now off he goes to 40 years in an office! yeah! jokes. like he gets an office right away.

he was pretty excited about his graduation present.  i was able to score an ipad 3 for him before they even came out to the public (remember how i said best job ever). my parents and i decided that straight A's at the Marriott School *vicariously bragging* deserved a little more than a cake.  

all of jared's family came to town and it was 48 crazy hours of kids, eating, playing and going to the zoo. a personal favorite.  it was great to spend more time with his family, i feel more and more comfortable every time we see them.

it was also jared's birthday. after 72 hours of more children, crying, burping, napping, and all other things kid related, imaginable (PLEASE NOTE: we do really really like these kids. we are just selfish and wusses so we cannot take much at a time)we decided to celebrate by going to dinner at restaurant that does not have kid menus.

oh the melting pot. it has been a long time. but i was sure happy to welcome fondue back into my life. we were there for hours. 7 men, a beckie, 6 pots of fondue, 3 plates of meat and cheesecake?  he seemed pretty happy about the evening.

later that week we went to the leonardo museum in salt lake (can you tell that we get out of ut county as much as possible...luckily gas is so cheap...). it was SO fun. the boys and i had a great time playing with all the gadgets, learning about technology, making stop action animation, etc. we geeked out for hours and  wholeheartedly agreed that it was the best $8 any of us had spent in a long time.

you really should try it out. props to the slc for bringing something like the museum to the public. the picture of above is of jared drawing a portrait of himself by looking into a mirror and tracing his reflection that bounced off onto another piece of glass. trust me, it was MUCH more difficult than it looked. so his final piece is far above average.

after some crazy weeks of moving, all these adventures, packing our stuff and sending it to vegas, wedding plans, registering (holy cow, it was fun but exhausting) and spending our last nights with dear friends, this is what he turned into.

i was in the family room and wondering where he and the puppy went. i wandered into my room and look what i found. sound asleep and drooling. both of them. it was kinda gross, very cute.

but now jared is in vegas, i am in provo finishing out my job and finalizing wedding plans.

so our relationship is a mixture of frantic texts and phone calls (we are kind behind on this wedding checklist of stuff we need to do...), face time, and trying to keep ourselves busy and stay sane.

as far as i know, the wedding is still on.  i try to be all "whatever, yeah i like him" about this marriage thing. but going by the montage of pictures i just posted of mr. husband, i think that we all know i am slowly but surely, leaving my shrewish ways behind.  it really bugs me how much i like him and it bugs me even more that he knows it. but i suppose the fact that he feels the same way for me (and is much better at expressing it than me) is some sort of consolation.

bridal shower is this weekend and two of my favorite people will be there. baby is coming with lisa and hillary gets in to utah tomorrow night! it will be a lovely, girly, pink, sugar fest.

california. here we come. right where we [are starting] from.

on wednesday last week, jared and i packed up our things and headed out to the west coast. we stopped for one day in vegas for a concert and to hang out with his family.  the weather was great and so we were are able to play outside, make major headway on the firepit and spend some time together. it was great to meet the rest of the clan- including their adorable little kiddos. after a large family dinner that evening, jared, his oldest sister tiffani, her friend christy and i all went to the bon iver concert. oh my goodness, it was so wonderful. i had high expectations because i love them and had heard all good things about their live performances, but i was truly impressed and so happy to be there. 

there were a ton of people and the acoustics were really great. they put on quite a show. we were all a bit unsure of how it would turn out since they are not exactly dance/concert music. but they rocked. we were so happy. and what better way to prolong such a great evening than staying out all night in vegas!

ok...by all night (for me and my old soul) i mean about 2 am. but we went to the sugar factory and had spectacular desserts. i had my first taste of frozen hot chocolate (new life goal is to actually try the serendipity kind in ny), a ginormous sundae and lots of other tasty treats and snacks.

i really wish that i was able to ice cream in more than baby spoonful increments. stupid lactose. 

after a short night's sleep we awoke to head off to california with road trip essentials in tow (candy, jack in the box-ugh-, water bottles and an audiobook).

i have been to northern ca and i LOVED it. though my time there has been brief, san fransisco/bay area is one of my favorite places in the country. so this was my first time testing out the southern area of the state. i would say that it was a major success. i still hate the lakers, but i love our apartment, the weather, the sights, the ocean, the shopping, the new ward, pretty much everything about it. i am terrified to drive there, but all the more reason to invest in a better bike, right??

it was really good for me to spend a little bit of time there.  thanks to some very cool and accomodating friends, kate and tyler, we were able to really get a feel for a lot of things in the area. they drove jared and me around the city to show us how to get to and from places, the grocery stores, the temple, the movie theatres, etc.  just all those things that are nice to know when you get to a new city. it really helped me to ease up on the whole idea of moving. 

some of the stores there are so cool. and because it is LA/Beverly Hills, let me tell you-their tjmaxx blew my mind. and everything was within walking distance.

we also got a little taste of the sport life down there when we went to the dodgers/padres game. worst baseball game ever (super short and uneventful) but the dodgers won, and it is still always fun to go to a real baseball game.

this was the first time that jared and i have been on a little trip together without rommates or friends there the entire time. it was really fun to spend time with him and to get a more realistic view of our future.

jared really was so good to me. he knows that i like new places and will love california, but he also knows that i have my little freak outs and worry myself into ulcers over things...so he really went out of his way to help me feel more comfortable with all of this.  and it helped a lot. more than anything, now i cannot wait to pack up our things and get the heck out of utah.

jared graduates on thursday! i am so excited for him and so proud of him. he has worked really hard and it is paying off. i am so lucky...

easter weekend.

i didn't even realize that it was easter weekend until Friday. i had gone to the store to get some easter goodies to send home to the kiddos.  when i got there, the place was ravaged! and then i realized i was amongst the other crazy people that had waited until the last minute. sometimes living away from home really throws off my holiday awareness. 

jared and i had our engagement pictures taken on saturday. it was... interesting. i am so awkward. really not good at that kind of thing. the photographer had to constantly tell me to stop making weird faces and to act like i actually liked jared :(.  growing up, my family didn't really get family pictures and i never got portraits or anything done, so it was very strange to have someone taking pictures of me like that. but the stress is over and in about a week, we will see how they actually turned out.

later that night we went to the new city creek center (really great. very pretty. cool stores.) and then to the pie for some late night pizza...this was probably one of the best decisions that i have ever made for the group. shane hadn't been in years and jared had NEVER been! what?! mmmm greasy, cheesy, veggie, pizza goodness.

sunday was lovely. church was really nice. some men in the ward did a musical number of one of my favorite songs. 

i had actually listened to it just before coming to church and they did a really great job on the performance. the testimonies were very nice and the overall spirit in the room was very strong and centered on christ and our belief that he has risen and will come again one day.

later in the afternoon, we all just chilled. what better way to take an easter sunday nap than...

wearing seersucker and snoozing to the masters.  i missed most of the action this year and had to catch up via internet. but we watched the 18th hole and it was probably one of the most exciting and animated moments i have ever seen in golf spectating. 

while that was playing, the boys went to work to make another dinner.

we all pitched in a little and had quite the family meal. but most of the credit is due to shane, he is an impressive cook and i am pretty sure that his apartment would starve and be living strictly off of processed food if he didn't step in every now and then.

i would say that it was a pretty good weekend. and now it is the last week of school for everyone, j graduates next week and i move in with kk!

marriage.

average.

braggy beckie moment.

 check out my score for my march madness bracket:

yes. out of 6,449,810 entries, i placed 7,651st. i have never done this well in a bracket challenge in my life and i have won in the past. i was pretty stinkin happy about this. i have always loved sports and especially basketball.  unfortunately with my schedule, i was not able to watch many of the games, i mainly had to keep up  via espn.com.  luckily...my work is pretty lenient with that sort of thing.

now on top of excelling in the national bracket challenge, lookie at what i made:

originally i purchased this:

it was a t-shirt from jcrew. i got it for $4 on ebay. but it was too big.  so i got another shirt at shade for $3.50 and then took the embellishments off of the jcrew shirt and sewed them onto the shade shirt to better fit me. and i was surprised by how well it turned out. plus for some reason i have had major insomnia sucking the life out of me, but i have to do something in those hours, and sewing (though anything but calming) seemed to distract me well enough.

so sometimes i kick butt in competitions, find awesome deals and sew like a crazy person.  not too bad... i am hoping that this racks up some points in the "well rounded character" category.

achoooo

we have a case of the itchy, watery, sneezy, wateries (worse for j than myself... his are on a full fledged demonic attack).  we spent most of our weekend looking like this :

but not looking nearly that cute.  thank goodness for clartin and kleenex.

on friday jared and i went to his mission reunion for a bit.  it was nice for him to see his old companions and friends from that special time in his life. i went to the last one with him too, but we were not engaged then.  so this time around it was fun for him to share the proposal story and for me to get to know his friends a little better. we had to tell everyone how it happened (because let's face it, that proposal was epic) and of course, bring the proof to his mission president.  he approved. phew.

saturday was the beginning of general conference!  we love general conference. it is such a blessing to be able to listen to modern day revelation and the testimonies of the general authorities.  one of our favorite parts is actually the statistical report... (nerds??). it is always so great to hear the numbers go up each time and see the growth of the church as the gospel is being spread across the earth.  conference is a good time for me to reflect about things that i need to work on, the strengths that i do posses and a reminder to have and show greater appreciation for blessings and people in my life.

during the break, we went outside to play because it was in the 70's and gorgeous outside!  j's oldest sister tiffani was in town and so we met up with her and her friends at the awful waffle. this shed with waffle irons, crepe makers, and amazing toppings.  we also went to the park and played.

jared made up a new game of golfing with pine cones (much better than the game "punishing pine cones", that my cousins used to play with us...).  there was some major double dutch going on- who knew white people could be so good at it. 

and yesterday we spent the day at dallan and susie's house (j's aunt and uncle) with his cousins.  i forget how loud 7+ kids and babies can get... so i am looking forward to being able to rewatch some of those talks.  but it was great fun, great food and good nertz practice! that is also where we are doing our little summer soiree  the night before the wedding and it was good for to scope out the yard a bit.  and let's just say, it's going to be perfect! just got off of the phone with the photographer, received an email about some of the wedding things coming in the post, and finalized the idea for our announcements.

it is coming together pretty darn well.

ahh and this song is so cute (this new ring finger adornment is turning me to mush).

let the pieces fall where they may.

things are finally really starting to come together! 

the bridesmaids' dresses have been purchased along with J's wedding suit (it's pretty boss...get it? but seriously, it's stunning, or maybe that's just his bum, i don't know...).

i was home sick the last couple of days and it was pretty miserable.  when i went to the pharmacy to get some medicine the pharmacy tech just gave me the saddest look and said 

"oh you poor thing... you look awful (sickness+unwashed hair+gym clothes+the look of death if you get in my way= looking awful). don't worry, everyone is getting sick right now and this will be gone within the week!"

i croaked a thank you, grabbed my medicine and fled. but on the off chance that i was not sleeping off the aching and facial drainage, i was able to get a lot of lists together (god bless lists), a lot of contacts and just all around more organized.  according to google, i am the DIY bride. they mainly associate that with the peasant bride. but my parents have been more than generous both emotionally and financially. i suppose that i am more DIY because then i know that it will be what i want, i cannot blame anyone else if it doesn't work out and it will keep me occupied as we count down the next 65 days.

next weekend we have our engagement pictures with matt clayton. if you have been on pinterest, then you have seen his work:

yes, they are hot, we know. but still, even with the little matt has to work with, we're pretty confident that he will do a great job.

now it is just deciding if we want to sell our cars, trying to find an apartment ($2k for 800 sq ft is awesome...not.), getting in wedding day shape, and preparing to move. j is going back to vegas after graduation and i am moving in with my kk. we are going to have a 4 week sleepover. and we are so excited.

hers. (very elaborate...logistics nightmare becomes a proposal for the books)

once upon a time i never wanted to get married. with maturity and experience i became open to the idea- if the right circumstances and person presented themselves. then i became keen on the thought of having a built in best friend. but then i met jared and after a hard fight (on his part to get me and my part not to give in), several months, lots of dates, and a mushy heart later, i decided that i wanted to be married. forever. to him. and luckily for me, he shared my sentiments. our actual engagement has been a long time coming, but the story of how it all went down that evening has been a constant question. so here it is from "her side".

i do not like surprises. i am awful with them. i hate being caught off guard. and since i knew a proposal was coming soon, i made sure to do my hair everyday and to paint my nails. i was also incredibly nosy... wanting to know everything. which he cruelly hid from me. on friday night, jared and i dressed up and went on our monthly fancy date.  i wore my new dress, pearls, curls and freshly manicured nails. he wore his favorite shirt, new shoes, combed his hair and was sweet as ever. this was it. it was happening tonight. we went to the best restaurant that we have been to together (and we have been to A LOT) and then went to the grand america hotel to watch the jazz band and have dessert.

our waitress was so kind and dug out an old game of uno for us to play while we sat in back, listened to the band and ate our delicious sorbet.

 i was quite nervous because although we were having the best night, i was still sure it was going to happen when we wandered out to the courtyard after the show....that was until my mouth began to tingle. and then my lips and tongue and then i couldn't swallow and we had to rush to the hospital because i had a sudden allergic reaction to my sorbet.  i was freaking out physically and emotionally thinking
1. i could die.
2. i ruined the perfect night and now he won't propose.
i took benedryl and survived (thanks to nurse nancy).  but the benedryl put me to sleep immediately for about 15 hours. i groggily awoke the next afternoon about to burst into tears. i had ruined our night and had slept all day and now jared was going out of town.

earlier that week, jared had informed me that he was going to have to fly to LA for work.  he would be leaving saturday night at 10:30pm. we were already planning on attending a dinner for one of my best friends that night and since we were already in salt lake, we decided to go to the dinner and then straight to the airport.   

we drove up with katie and spud to see dacia, dave and baby. it was so fun for jared to meet the smiths and for us to all spend some time together again.  after the dinner we took jared to the airport. i helped him grab his luggage, told him to make a good impression, kissed him and sent him on his way.

katie, spud and i left the airport in search of a starbucks... 20 minutes and a jamba juice later, katie exclaimed that she had to pee and since she hates public restrooms, suggested that we just stop at her parents' house in draper. with no objections we headed there. i said that i was getting sleepy so i would just wait in the car. when to my surprise i looked over and saw some car just sitting in the parking lot. i realized that i recognized the car as it belonged to scott, jared's roommate. i rolled down the window to wave and say hi, blown away at the coincidence of him knowing someone there. but it was not his roommate...it was my "driver". he stepped out fully suited, holding a white board that read my name. katie practically pushed me out of the car and they drove off.  i had no choice.

i incredulously went to the back seat and allowed scott to chauffeur me to wherever it was we were going.  all of the sudden i realized, JARED NEVER WENT TO LA!!!!

we drove up to the mountainous area and he stopped at a park where a golf cart was waiting. we got out and took the golf cart to this estate:

it was breathtaking. the landscape was amazing. i was brought to the bank of this beautiful pond and greeted with 

and a lovely man (clever little stinker) waiting at the end of it. luckily, i love docks and he looked good, so i kept walking.

some very sweet, confectionate words, promises and a question later, this was us:

i was sure that he was in LA and that i would have to wait a couple more weeks at least. such an intricuate ruse was happening right in front of me and i had been clueless. and now we are official. thanks to the help of great friends, several sneaky little (valid) lies created (as jared says) a logistics nightmare but it turned out to be the best night of our lives. 

he designed the perfect ring, said all the right things and got the answer he wanted.  according to my left hand, i would say that this was the best st. patrick's day ever.

our date is set for june 2 in the draper temple. and we are moving to LA after the honeymoon to settle down and as an all american married couple.

well...maybe not settle down but at least into a new tax bracket and into a higher degree of glory.

sugar fix.

sometimes (or all the time) i just want some candy. but with my phobia of rotten teeth and my recent extra efforts at the gym, i have been trying to cut back. and my little friends have been helping. meet my friends.

i only eat a few at time and they have a lot of health benefits but plenty of sweetness to meet my needs.

i highly recommend them. plus they are very reasonably priced.  speaking of reasonably priced little pieces of goodness, i have also recently purchased this:

organic chia seeds. they really do not taste bad, they are loaded with omega 3s and add a lot natural, healthy energy especially for endurance training. i have yet to really get use of it because it has only been a day, but every review raves about it and in born to run, the ultra marathoners lived off of it... so if it can help them run 100 miles, i am sure it can help me run 5. 

and the answer is...

the other day i posted about wondering where all my time goes. how i always run out of it. and i came up with a few very plausible reasons. and i have decided that the biggest problem is:

yesterday i looked at the time and i had been on gchat, outlook, pinterest, facebook, and blogger for a total of about 3 hours. granted, i was doing some very productive things. i checked out the new pictures of my sister's kiddos. i messaged a couple friends and i found some great recipes.  but it was embarrassing to see how much time i had just been sitting on my bum looking at stuff. normally i do not sit in one spot that long, but total time in a day, i would say i average fairly lengthy amounts of time in front of the computer. 

this awkward realization reminded me of the talks that prophets and apostles have given on veering away from worldly distractions. i actually went to lds.org and searched for talks on "distraction". over 300 results (funny that i used the internet again...).  that probably means that i am not the only person that falls victim to vortex of pinning and liking. there was a lesson called "distraction unto destruction" and it went over all the examples in the scriptures of the righteous becoming distracted until they were oblivious to their oncoming attacks. there were a lot of examples...i  also came across this quote by boyd k. packer:

"At the temple the dust of distraction seems to settle out, the fog and the haze seem to lift, and we can 'see' things that we were not able to see before and find a way through our troubles that we had not previously known."

and boy did i feel guilty. i could have done a lot of temple work in the time that i was sitting around looking at social media. not saying that it is all bad, they provide fantastic avenues for communicating with friends, sharing ideas,  and good laughs. the church even uses youtube for the mormon messages. but there are so many naughty and mind numbing things on there too... so i have now resolved to try harder to keep track of how much time i dedicate to facebook stalking vs. reading my scriptures. or blogging vs writing in my journal. or youtubing when i could skype with my family. 

it is hard because it is so habitual to have 7 tabs open in my browser and to constantly be looking at things. the other day i noticed that it had been a while since i was really absorbed in a book. and i realized that was probably because my laptop is on my bedside table. so maybe it is time to give princess shiba a little break...